Fact 1: Disneyland instills some of the best customer service skills in their cast members than any company imaginable.

Fact 2: Disney also hires people who lean toward being on the friendly, helpful and happy side who soak in customer service skills like sponges.

Fact 3: Neither Fact 1 nor fact 2 kept me from fantasizing about the things that I wished I could say to guests but would never ever say because well…I’m not a terrible person.

When you work at Disneyland, you genuinely want to help people have the best day possible. You genuinely want them to be happy and to come back. You genuinely want them to find the magic that you found there as a kid and continue to find as a grownup. With all that said, wanna play an awesome game of make believe with me? Below are the main questions/comments I would get from guests while working attractions or entertainment. You’ll see the ‘THEN’ response, which is how I would’ve answered the question/comment as a cast member and the ‘NOW’ response, which is the way the question should never ever ever be answered but hopefully the answers will entertain you so here we go!

Location: Town Square. 1 hour before the parade. Most of the characters are wrapping it up for the day.

Guest: “Why won’t you let me see Mickey Mouse? I have to leave to catch my cab to New Zealand in 5 minutes, and this is all your fault.”

Then: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Mickey really has to get back home to feed Pluto, but I want to make sure you see a character before you go. Goofy is just across the way and he’d love to say goodbye to you.

Now: “You waited til the end of the trip? Seriously? And we all know you’re not on your way home. You’re on your way to Downtown Disney to grab a cocktail and come back in.

Location: Snow White’s Scary Adventure

Guest: “My child cried on this ride. Can she get a free churro?”

Then: “Oh, I hope the little princess is feeling better. You know, Snow White gets nervous around the Evil Queen too.

Now: “I would cry on this ride too, because it’s called ‘Snow White’s Scary Adventure’ NOT ‘Snow White took a delightful romp through the forest and happened upon 7 nice friends where absolutely nothing bad happened to her.’ And I don’t think she should get a churro for free. They’re all mine. It’s a ruling created by the queen.”

Location: Rivers of America 30 minutes prior to FANTASMIC!

Guest: “Why are all these people standing around here?” 

Then: “They’re all waiting to see Fantasmic! The show starts in 15 minutes and its been my favorite since I was a kid. I would definitely stick around to see it.”

Now: “You mean why half the park is standing at the same location at the same time? Gee, I dunno, maybe they’re all waiting for their fast pass to Haunted Mansion to come into fruition. You should beat them to it and head straight to the ride. Nothing at all exhilarating or life changing is about to happen right here 

Location: The castle.

Guest: “Are you a princess?”

Then: “That’s so sweet of you to say. I’m a royal Paige right here at the castle and I get to assist all of the princesses on the royal court. Who is your favorite princess?”

Now: “Who me? I can guarantee you princesses don’t wear name tags or wear black flats from Payless. You seriously made my day though. Why weren’t you behind the casting table the last 10 times I auditioned? Ah, well. We can only hope they make an animated film about a German/Ukrainian girl who owns two cats. Wish me luck!”

Location: Critter Country Winnie the Pooh meet n’ greet

Guest: (looking at Pooh) “Is it hot in there?”

Then: Thanks so much for worrying about Pooh! We actually chill his honey snacks so that he can have frozen honey pops, so Pooh actually loves this time of year.

Now: Can we just savor the magic for one split second? Why are you here if not to have the time of your life? Do you also tell your children that Santa doesn’t exist and that not making the bed leads to bed bugs or something terrible? Let’s have some fun shall we?

Erika Jenko
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